How much do you and your partner ‘turn towards’ one another?
Turn towards means being responsive and attuned when your partner makes a ‘bid’.
A bid is any attempt from one partner to another to connect.
This can be in the form of a conversation, attention, affirming, affection - or any other form of positive connection.
When you turn towards your partner’s bids for connection (e.g. showing you’re interested and listening when they start sharing something about their day, or offering advice when they’re seeking help, or engaging in a hug when they reach out for one) you are adding to your relationship emotional bank account (more on that in a future blog post!).
Research shows that couples who are in happy, healthy relationships turn towards one another’s bids 86% of the time and they also use humour and affection in their interactions.
Couples who separate typically turn towards one another approximately only 33% of the time.
The strategies which build and nurture flourishing relationships are often so simple. Yet we either aren’t aware of them or become complacent in practicing them. (Or perhaps even uninterested in engaging in them with our partners which is a sign!)
What I love about Positive Psychology Couples Coaching is using evidenced-based strategies with couples to build upon all of the good stuff in their relationship, and weed out what’s not serving them.
Have a think about your relationship and consider:
How often do I respond to my partner’s bids for connection?
What can I do to be mindful (or perhaps more mindful) of turning towards their bids?
Remember, it’s not about turning towards one another 100% of the time. That’s unrealistic. But 86% of the time would be ideal!
Would you and your partner like to learn more about simple yet vital strategies to navigate, nurture and build the quality of your relationship? Click on the below button to enquire about Positive Psychology Coaching. I’d love to connect with you both and support your authentic wellbeing.
References:
Gottman, J. M. (1998). Psychology and the study of marital processes. Annual Review of Psychology, 49(1), 169-197.
Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. (2017). The Natural Principles of Love. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(1), 7-26.