Think of the most memorable moments you’ve experience in your life to date …
Whether they be positive or challenging moments … Did they involve other people? Or were they because of other people?
I’m 99% sure you’re going to answer ‘yes’ … because life is a series of moments and experiences we share with other people.
In fact, what makes life most worth living is the people you share it with.
The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.
Your loved ones light up your world, and when you experience challenges in a close relationship – whether with an intimate partner, family member, friend, neighbour, or colleague – your world can be dimmed, either a little or a lot, depending on the nature of the challenge.
It fascinates me that our relationships have the biggest impact on our quality of life, yet the factors which build, nurture and grow positive relationships are not something we’re taught.
Wild, right!?
We learn through our personal experiences and from watching others navigate their relationships – all of which create valuable life lessons. However, if there’s evidence showing there are essentials factors which build and sustain positive relationships, shouldn’t we be taught this … like, in school or something!?
My fascination in relationships was a big influence in me studying the science of positive psychology, which recognises that the most important factor in human flourishing is building close relationships with others.
Throughout my studies I loved learning about research findings including:
Socialising is one the most powerful activities you can do in a day in order to increase wellbeing and happiness (Kahneman et al., 2004);
Being pro-social - engaged in meaningful, authentic relationships, showing kindness and generosity in the world and being part of a supportive community - is the most promising route to sustainably increasing our well-being (Berkeley Greater Good Science Centre);
Couples in quality marriages - typically characterised by satisfaction, happiness, and stability - experience significantly higher levels of physical and psychological well-being compared to those who are alone or are in unhappy or unstable relationships (Fowers et al., 2016; Gottman & Gottman, 2017; Kim & McKenry, 2002; Wissing et al., 2019);
People with strong and broad social relationships are happier, healthier, and live longer (Huppert, 2008; Ryan & Deci, 2001; Ryff, 1989; Seligman, 2011).
These finding highlight the importance of regularly reflecting on and investing in the quality of our relationships. Where are your relationships at? What’s working well? Where needs more focus and attention?
A great starting point is to consider the following questions:
What are the most important relationships in my life?
What’s working well in these relationships? What am I doing to build the relationship in positive ways? And what good things come back to me by being in this relationship?
Are there any relationships in my life which would benefit from me further investing in? (For example, my time, focus, energy and/or attention) If so:
Which relationships?
Why is it important to me that I further invest in these relationships?
What would I like to do more of in these relationships?
What has stopped or hindered me from already doing these things?
When you take the time to invest in your relationships, you are investing in the quality of your life.
Would you like support navigating the relationships in your life (whether that be your relationship with yourself and/or others)? Or, would you and your partner like support in navigating and building the quality of your relationship? Click on the below button to enquire about Positive Psychology Coaching. I’d love to connect with you and support your authentic wellbeing.
References:
Fowers, B, J., Laurenceau, J, P., Penfield, R, D., Cohen, L, M., Lang, S, F., Owenz, M, B., & Pasipanodya, E. (2016). Enhancing relationship quality measurement: The development of the Relationship Flourishing Scale. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(8), 997-1007.
Gottman, J. M. (1998). Psychology and the study of marital processes. Annual Review of Psychology, 49(1), 169-197.
Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. (2017). The Natural Principles of Love. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(1), 7-26.
Huppert, F.A. (2008) Psychological wellbeing: Evidence regarding its causes and consequences. State of the Science Review: SR-X2, UK Government Foresight Project, Mental Capital and Wellbeing.
Kahneman, D., Krueger, A. B., Schkade, D. A., Schwarz, N., & Stone, A. A. (2004). A survey method for characterizing daily life experience: the day reconstruction method. Science (New York, N.Y.), 306(5702), 1776–1780.
Kim, H. K., & McKenry, P. C. (2002). The relationship between marriage and psychological well-being. Journal of Family Issues, 23(8). 885–911.
Maisel, N.C. & Gable, S.L. (2009) For richer…in good times…and in health: positive processes in relationships. In S.J. Lopez & C.R. Snyder (Eds.) Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology. NY: Oxford University Press.
Ryan, R.M. & Deci, E.D. (2001) On happiness and human potentials: A review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 141-66
Ryff, C. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 6. 1069-81.
Seligman, M.E.P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Free Press.
Wissing, M., Schutte, L., Liversage, C., Entwisle, B., Gericke, M., & Keyes, C. (2019). Important Goals, Meanings, and Relationships in Flourishing and Languishing States: Towards Patterns of Well-being. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 1-37.